Here I am. I have decided to start a personal blog all about my life, my thoughts, and anything else that is semi-interesting.
I guess I will start by summing up where I am right now in life. I just completed a hellish first year of teaching in a Memphis City School Pre-K. It was rough. I am so happy and grateful for summer break. I do not think that I could have endured much more. Was it me? Was it the kids? Was it the lack of support or the parents? I think it was a little bit of everything.
Mid-year, I began questioning if I was really cut out to be a teacher. I have 20 students. When they started, they were 3 and 4 years old, babies. As the year progressed and they developed a trust for me, I soon became not only a teacher but a mommy. Some of these kids saw me more than their parents. And sadly, some of these students, even with 19 other kids in the class, get more attention from me than from their parents.
Overall, majority of the parents that I did have seemed supportive of their children and some of them still seemed to baby them and love on them. That made me happy to see. It was the babies that had parents that NEVER would show up to parent meetings, field trips, or functions that irked me. On the last full day of school, we celebrated the end of the year and the graduation of their little babies from Pre-K by having a slideshow and a parent picnic. The students parents came, along with grandmas, aunts, and uncles. It was a great time of sharing and reflecting on the last day of a very memorable year in their 4 year-old's life. One year, when you have only been alive for 4, is a huge deal. The experiences had and the friendships made most likely will have lasting impacts on these children. That is the whole point of public Pre-K. It serves as a place where lower economic status children can have the opportunity to get a jumpstart by being provided with a fun, educational environment that fosters solid relationships and positive social interactions. If you want more info on the wonderful benefits of pre-k, you can check this fact sheet by the Pew Institute out: Pre-K Benefits.
Public Pre-K really is a wonderful program.
Anyway, back to the story. So, all of the parents and families came out. Except for two of my students. These two little girls were left mom-less, dad-less, and parent-less to watch all of their classmates sit in their parents laps and watch the slideshow and enjoy the picnic. It was sad. It made me sad. I made the two girls my "special helpers" but you have to know that even being the teacher's "special helpers" doesn't take away the sting and disappointment a child feels when their parents don't show up for them.
And don't get me wrong, I know that parents, especially in this economy and in their social standing, have to work. I get that and I feel for those parents that wish they could be at their children's functions instead of working. But these two mothers do not work. I know this for a fact. I ended up calling them to see where they were and to once again remind them of the exiting conference that they had in a day. Sylvannah's mom said that she thought that the picnic was a different day. I could have believed her or forgiven her if she had not missed EVERY SINGLE parent meeting and if her daughter had not looked up at me that morning with beaming eyes and a huge smile saying "my mommy is coming to the picnic today!" Diamond's mother is notorious for not answering the phone when the school number comes up. So of course, I didn't get an answer for her when I called. I don't think that I ever have.
At the end of the day when Sylvannah's brother came to pick her up (he's in 2nd grade and the mother has 5 children that go to the school), he had some certificates and awards in his hands that he had received from the awards program earlier in the day. I told him congratulations and that he should be so proud of doing such a wonderful job that year. The only words that he said to me were, "I sure hope my mom was here to see me." His comment made my stomach sink. The most important thing in these children lives are their mother. They don't have dads in the picture. She is their everything. I can't even begin to imagine what their lives are like. Earlier in the year, the mom was arrested and the kids were split up. Through all of this, little Sylvannah has stayed strong, up-beat, and wonderful on the outside but who knows what is really happening and how this is shaping her on the inside. My heart goes out to these kids. The only thing that I can do is provide her with a safe, loving place that shows her that there are people that she can rely on in the world.
And for the record, neither one of these parents showed up to their child's exiting conference. I still have their porfolios, pictures, and Pre-K diploma. I guess I will hold on to them until I see the students next year.
So here I am. Summer break. Excited to get the break that I SO much needed but sad to leave those little babies like Sylvannah without a place that she can go every day to have some positive experiences and social interactions with supportive adults. I am leaving this first year of teaching with mixed emotions. I love being able to give these students the wonderful experiences that they deserve and the emotional support that they need but it was incredibly draining. I put forth 110% and I am feeling it now. It is extremely physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. I totally understand why 1/3 of all teachers leave the profession within the first 5 years. I can't say that won't be me but I can say that I can continue to give my 110% to all the Sylvannahs out there until I can't bear any more.
